Dating, love, marriage. Ah.
I’m a super indecisive person. About almost everything.
Making decisions isn’t really my thing – I don’t find myself often with preferences for one thing over another. It makes life easy for me, though I suspect frustrating for some of those around me. So I’m working on it…
Anyways.
I think this ends up as a pretty big blessing, for it’s with ease that I pray “Lord have your way” – relieved of the responsibility of making many a decision.
I obviously don’t mean to advocate for sitting around doing nothing until lightening strikes. Instead I set out in a direction that, to the best of my discernment, is God’s will. But I don’t stop asking for His will to be done, acknowledging that His prompting at any time could change the path I’ve set before me.
Just as that’s been my prayer for school, careers, ministry and friendship – so too has it been the prayer of my vocation. Marriage or single life, religious life or not, I desire happiness and holiness – and I’m convinced that they are found in following God’s specific plan for my life.
Anyways, recently someone asked me why I wanted to get married. And I realized, with surprise, I didn’t have a quick answer.
But eventually I did.
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I want to get married because I want to go to Heaven. And I believe it's God's will for me to get married.
Sometime last year, I wondered what kind of vocation God had for me, be it religious or marriage or single life - and then one Sunday in Mass, when one of the readings was Ephesians 5:22 onwards, I felt a keen awareness that I would be married. There have been a couple times in my life when God has assured me that something is true, and this was one of those times. It's not really a romantic answer.
At the end of the day, my hope is to go to heaven. And sometimes I think that appears to take meaning away from things that happen on the Earth... as though I'm "using" the Sacrament of marriage to obtain a greater good. Perhaps I am. I guess that's sort of how it is with all the Sacraments.. they contain beauty and abundance in and of themselves.. but their sort of overarching goal is to get us to Heaven. I don't think the Sacrament of marriage is too different from that. I think it's an opportunity to become Holy... and to learn to love like Jesus loves. I think it also holds a promise of joy and companionship... but you're right... that can't be enough. Because if the day after I get married - my spouse gets in a disabling car accident or suffers a major stroke - my purpose and intention for marriage can't suddenly be wiped away. And if all I hoped for or desired was babies and good conversation, then my hopes would be crushed. But if I aspire for Holiness, then come hell or high water, nothing external can strip my vocation of its purpose.
So, yes – if Jesus says my path of least resistance to Heaven is through marriage, then I want to get married!
